


Dark Shines

by IzzyLightwood



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, blind, eclipse - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-09-28 04:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10072553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IzzyLightwood/pseuds/IzzyLightwood
Summary: A new kid in class shouldn't mean anything particularly special. But this one does.





	1. Futurism

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything except my own ideas. This is based off The Way He Looks, a great movie, and it's on Netflix. #ad ALSO I will update regularly :)

     He could feel the warmth on his face, at least. Maybe he would never _see_ sunlight, but it was hot against his chest and cheeks, the occasional breeze lifting the pressure slightly, and it was almost as if he had his eyes closed to rest.

     Except they weren’t closed, and even with them open he wouldn’t see the light.

     “What’re you thinking about?” Cat asked him. He had never seen her either, his own best friend, but he liked to think that didn’t matter. “Dan?” It meant getting to know someone aside from looks. He had other things to focus on, like the sound of her voice. That American accent was fun to imitate, though she maintained that he fascinatingly sounded girl-ier than her when he attempted it. And she always smelled of vanilla, pleasantly.

     “Just stuff,” replied Dan.

     “Like what kind of stuff?” Cat insisted, nudging his arm with a laugh. They lay beside each other on towels at the side of her pool, Dan closest in order to dip his hand into the cool water. When he didn’t say anything to answer her question, Cat rolled her eyes and stood to step into the pool. “Fine. I didn’t care all that much anyway.”

     Dan laughed, feeling and hearing rather than seeing her walk around him to get into the water. “Don’t be all prickly about it.”

     “No, really. What I’m interested in is what the hell we’re doing with the rest of our summer. We have only two weeks left and what exactly have we accomplished?” Dan’s eyes remained on the sky. “Precisely.”

     “I’m quite happy doing nothing.”

     “I’m not. Nothing ever happens during our vacations.” Cat kicked her foot, enjoying the feel of her leg pushing against the pool water. She splashed him a little, and Dan flinched away with a laugh.

     “What did you expect?”

     “I don’t know. Maybe a romance or two. A dramatic adventure.”

     “Can’t see that happening anytime soon.” Dan even smiled a little at his joke. “Who did you think you’d have this romance or adventure with, anyway? You always say there’s only jackasses in our school.” Cat huffed and ducked beneath the water. “It isn’t like the summer makes you a new person. I think it’s been okay so far, anyway. And maybe this year won’t suck.” When she didn’t respond, he reached out for her head. “Cat? Are you there?” She resurfaced, tickling the palm of his searching hand. He pulled it back, but breathed out in relief. “Did you hear anything I just said?”

     “Sorry, no. What’s up?”

     “Nothing.”

     “Well, anyway. I’m just saying that you may be content passing your time away listening to Beethoven, but I want something to do. Aren’t our teen years supposed to be eventful? And yet, neither of us has so much as kissed another person.”

     “You seem to be waiting for your prince.”

     “He doesn’t need to be a _prince_ ,” Cat objected. “And what about you?”

     “What about me?”

     “It’s not like you can wait your whole life to kiss someone either.”

     Dan sighed. “I don’t mind. And why should I? Am I supposed to be in a rush?”

     “You’re too calm about all this.”

     “Or maybe you’re not calm enough.”

     “I wouldn’t be calm at all knowing that a witch like Hazel Hayes wanted to get at me,” pointed out Cat, her tone dry.

     “It’s no big deal. She’ll forget about me soon enough.” Dan sat up off his back and ran the fingers of his dominant hand through his damp hair. “I should head home.”

     “Not yet,” Cat said, grabbing his free hand. “Come in the water for a little while again before we go.”

     “Cat…”

     “Don’t be boring, Dan.”

     Dan grinned. “I am _not_ boring,” he said, slipping into the water.

***

     When Cat delivered him safely home, he walked through the front door, shut it behind himself, and pulled off his shoes.

     “Mum, I’m home.”

     From the kitchen, Laura yelled, “Dan? How are you, sweetheart? Are you hungry?”

     “I’m fine,” he called back from his bedroom. He dumped his bag and went to the dining room. “What’s for dinner?”

     He pulled out his usual dining chair and sat down. He thought about how he knew his way around his house so well, and wondered as he often did if people with vision had the layouts of certain places or things memorized in the same way he did.

     Laura brought a plate out for Dan and his father, dropping a kiss to his head. “How was your day, lovely?”

     “Alright. You?”

     “Peachy.”

     Mr. Howell came out from the living room and sat at the table. When he saw Dan, he grinned. “Your face is red, Dan. Tanning again?”

     Laura took a hold of her son’s face with a frown. “No sunscreen, Dan?”

     “You know I hate that stuff; it makes my skin feel coated in film,” Dan told her. “I’d rather wear none at all.” Laura gave Robert a look, signaling that he had to grab Dan’s chair. He always liked to lean back on the back two legs and Laura didn’t like it.

     “Mum, d’you think I could learn to ride a bike?”

     Mrs. Howell, just sitting down across from Robert, slowed. “What?”

     “Someone would have to ride with me, of course, to tell me what to swerve for but—”

     “Absolutely not,” Laura said immediately. “You would kill yourself, Dan. Absolutely not.” Dan sighed. He hadn’t really expected a positive response, but honestly.

     “Well, maybe we could talk about it,” Mr. Howell tried.

     “What’s there to talk about?” Laura said, her eyes a warning. “It isn’t happening.”

***

     The final couple weeks of the summer in Manchester passed by uneventfully, as the first few had, and before Dan knew it the time for another year of school had arrived. He didn’t dislike school, exactly; it was more the people. The only person he spoke to was Cat, and while most others were respectful, that was a far cry from friendly. They even verged on distant. He didn’t want to be disregarded, stepped around so carefully, or treated like a sick puppy. He got enough of that at home.

     In class, Dan sat next to Cat in the front row, where she acted as his eyes. She read notes to him from the board at the front, or anything else that he couldn’t get on his own by listening. He had a computer equipped for braille in his bedroom, but in class he was forced to use a horrible device that looked like a typewriter to do his work on. It dinged at the end of every page with a sound so resembling that of an elevator that every other time it happened Dan’s worst offenders, Jackson (Jax) and his buddy Blake, would call out _Going up!_ Sometimes one or both were sent out for this, but _most_ times Mrs. Irving would only send them daggers to keep their mouths shut. If she couldn’t say it out loud, Cat did the same. Dan couldn’t see this, or the frustrated looks he received all class period. No one had taken the seat behind him, and only Cat sat to his right.

     On the third _ding_ of class, Jax snorted out a noise of irritation. “Jesus,” he said.

     “Jackson,” Mrs. Irving said in warning. Apparently she wasn’t having his attitude on only the first day back.

     “What?” It was evident that Jax was feeling particularly confrontational. He lifted his hands innocently. “All I’m saying is, nobody in here can focus with that _thing_ over there.”

     Aware that he referred to more than only the typewriter, Cat turned around. “Are you going to shut up anytime soon?”

     “Defending your boyfriend, Catherine?” Blake teased.

     Dan’s fingers curled into his palms. His bitten-down nails worked into the skin there. He hated being protected, and he hated that Cat had to take their shit on his behalf. He wanted to fight his own battles, but no one would ever let him so much as try. Dan opened his mouth to speak just as Mrs. Irving stood up from her desk.

     “Would you like to take another trip to see Mrs. Woodward, Jackson? Blake?”

     Jax leaned back, resentful, his chair resting on its hind two legs. “Oh, us but not Cat, right?”

     “Go, Jackson.”

     With a roll of his dark eyes, Jax slapped a hand to his desk as he stood. “I call bullshit,” he said, a glare sent Cat and Dan’s direction.

     A knock came at the classroom door, and the whole class looked its way. Poking his head inside, the boy said, “Hi. Is this E211?”

     “It is,” Mrs. Irving said. Her tone had somehow become far more amicable than it had been only thirty seconds ago. “You must be our new student.”

     Cat reached to poke Dan’s arm excitedly; he couldn’t see the boy but knew that this new kid must be something special if Cat were trying to keep his attention on him.

     “I am. Phil Lester. Is that desk taken?” He pointed to the one behind Dan, and a ripple of laughter erupted from the class.

     “No. Go ahead.” Mrs. Irving ignored the class and smiled, gesturing for Phil to go on. As Jax walked past for the door, he threw a lazy arm over Phil’s shoulders.

     “Good luck with that, mate,” he said, before heading out.

     Cat smiled at Phil as he went by, Dan’s eyes fixated blindly on a floor tile in front of his desk. Dan had to admit that he was intrigued. It wasn’t rare or anything, but a new student meant a person who didn’t know anything about Dan. He hadn’t yet been poisoned into Jackson’s way of thinking.

     Class went by as slow as it typically did, until ten minutes to its end when Phil poked Dan’s shoulder gently to get his attention. Dan nearly jumped, still not used to someone in that seat.

     “Do you have an eraser I could borrow?” he asked, leant close to Dan’s turned ear.

     Dan grinned, lifting his hands up. “I don’t really use them…”

     “Right,” Phil said. He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Sorry.”

     “Wait.” Dan’s hand slid through the air separating his and Cat’s desks; he felt around for her eraser and when she saw this she took Dan’s hand and set the eraser into it for him. He smiled and offered it to the general direction he knew Phil to be. “Here.”

     “Thanks.”

***

     When the bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, the class dispersed until the only three left were Dan, Cat, and Phil. The former two had made it to the door when Cat looked back to Phil. He didn’t know anybody, and could very likely use some friends. It made her think of kindergarten, when Dan had introduced himself on their first day. He couldn’t see her, had no clue who she was in any form, but had felt that she needed a friend as much as he did. He’d had no idea that it was one of her initial days not only in the school but in Manchester. Dan had always been perceptive, and so lovely.

     “Do you live nearby?” Cat called to Phil. Dan stood to her right, as he was left-handed, holding her arm.

     Phil looked up from where he was lifting his bag from the floor. “Down the street.”

     “Want to walk with us? We go the same way.”

     Phil smiled and nodded, hurrying to catch up as they left. “I didn’t catch your names,” he said.

     “I’m Cat Valdes.”

     “Dan Howell.”

     “Nice to meet you.” Phil glanced around, eyes squinted from the afternoon sunlight. “So how’s living here?”

     “Not too bad,” Cat replied. “Where’d you come from?”

     “Originally? I lived up in Rawtenstall, then moved to London.”

     “I knew I heard a bit of the north in you,” Dan said, grinning.

     “Yeah; we used to joke that it was actually more like Rotten-stall,” Phil laughed, his tongue poked out from between his teeth as he smiled. Cat couldn’t believe how gorgeous he was, and wished that Dan could see him too just so he could fully understand her when she stopped by his place later that night.

     “Why’d you move here, then, from London?” Dan asked.

     “Dad’s got a job transfer, so me and Mum came to live with him. I’ve got a brother, but he’s back in London.”

     “You must miss him,” Cat said, eyebrows drawn in.

     “It’s alright. He has a life there, a job and a girlfriend. Couldn’t up and leave it all.” Phil’s shoulders lifted in a shrug. “But I had nothing really holding me down, I guess.”

     “Well, Manchester isn’t all bad. There’s a big wheel we call the Eye where you can see, like, everything around here. We’ve never been, since it would be kind of pointless.”

     “Why?”

     “Watch the step,” Cat said, so Dan would know that the pavement was uneven just ahead. Phil shook his head at himself.

     “I already forgot. I’m an idiot.”

     “You’ll get used to it,” Dan assured him at the same time Cat did. They both laughed, slowing down as they reached the gate to Dan’s house.

     “Keys, babe.” Dan took his keys from the pocket of his jeans and Cat carefully pulled them from his fingers to open the gate. Once she had, she placed the keys back into Dan’s hand and kissed his cheek. “Bye, Dan. I’ll be by, okay?” He nodded and shifted slightly on his feet.

     “Bye, Phil,” he said, extending a hand. Phil accepted it and they shook.

     “See you, Dan.” He cringed, but Dan only laughed, pushing against the gate to go into his yard.

     “Which way do you go?” Cat asked Phil. He pointed the way they’d been going, and Cat shrugged. “Okay. See you tomorrow, then.”

     “Don’t you go the same way?”  


     Cat laughed. “Oh, no. I live a block in the opposite direction. I’ve just always walked Dan home.”

     At dinner that night, Laura informed Dan that he would have to go to Cat’s after school the following week because his grandmother had an appointment. He usually went there after school, to not be in the house alone, but Dan spent a solid thirty seconds chewing his broccoli before he had the nerve to say, “I want to stay home alone.”

     “What?” Laura said, fork in the air.

     “What for?” Robert asked.

     “Because I’m fully capable of staying in the house by myself. I don’t need to rely on Grams, or you guys to watch me.”

     “Anything could happen, Dan—”

     “Yes, Mum, ‘anything could happen’ any time.”

     “Dan,” Robert said.

     “I’m only saying that I’m 16 and don’t need a babysitter.” He didn’t say anything more, and neither did his parents.

***

     Cat and Dan stretched out on his bed the way they always had: her head at the foot of the bed, his head on the pillow.

     “Have you ever thought about traveling?” Dan questioned aloud.

     Cat laughed. “Sure. Doesn’t everyone think about getting out of their home town?”

     “Yeah, I guess, but I don’t think I even mean _traveling_ , necessarily,” Dan said, thoughtful. His hands were woven together on his abdomen, eyes ahead. “Maybe leaving, and just… not coming back.”

     Cat lifted her head to look at him. “What do you mean?”

     “Going away. The States, Japan. I don’t know; anywhere is good enough. Somewhere nobody knows who you are… I just want to leave.”

     “Why’re you thinking of this stuff now, Dan?” Selfishly, Cat was grateful that Dan couldn’t see her face in this moment.

     “I mean, it’s not like this is _new_. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Going away and creating a new personality for myself, and no one would be the wiser.”

     “Don’t you like the personality you have now?”

     “Sure I do. I guess. But _I’m_ not the problem.”

     Cat lightly tickled Dan’s foot, glad for his smile because it always brought out hers as well. “And have you talked to your parents about it?” she asked.

     Dan snorted. “Of course not. I’m not insane.”

     “You intend to move, possibly to another country, without letting your parents in on it?” Cat said, eyebrows high.

     “Who knows? We’ll see,” Dan said, making them both laugh.

***

     Dan and Cat waited outside the school building for Phil, and when he came out to leave with them, Dan grinned. “Are you forgetting something?”

     Cat slapped her leg. “Today is Wednesday.” She looked up at Phil. “He goes to his grandma’s Wednesdays, since his parents aren’t home.”

     “I can go alone, so you can walk home together like we have been,” Dan told them.

     “Dan, I…”

     “Really, Cat, it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

     “But it’s so close.”

     “All the more reason that I can make it on my own,” Dan said. “I’ve got to try sometime.” Cat looked at Phil, then stood up. She kissed Dan’s head. She wasn’t entirely convinced, but she knew how he hated smothering.

     “Be safe. See you later, okay?”

     Dan nodded.

     “Bye, Dan,” Phil said, giving a wave. 

     “Bye.” Dan pulled out his walking stick and made his way for the pavement to cross to the other side of the street. He’d only made it halfway there when Jax and Blake, with a couple other cronies, circled near Dan, waving their hands in front of his unsuspecting face in a type of game. Jax didn’t move quickly enough, though, and only when Dan’s cane caught on Jax’s foot and he went to the pavement did he become aware that the boys had been around him.

     “Dan!” one boy said, reaching for him. “Are you—”

     “Don’t fucking touch me,” Dan snapped, shoving himself up off the ground. He was tanned, but that didn’t stop him from worrying that his face and neck would betray his mortification. “I’m fine.” Eyes wide, Hazel hurried from her friends over to Dan.

     “Dan, are you okay?” she asked him. He didn’t reply, forcing his eyes ahead. Hazel looked at Jax and his friends with a cold green scowl. “You guys are really fucked up, you know that?”

***

     Dan didn’t go to his grandma’s. He walked around the streets, and then realised that he really didn’t know where he was. He took a bus that dropped him off at the corner across from school, and was able to find his way from there. He was unsure of the time, but felt better than he had since he’d stumbled over Jax.

     He walked inside and before the door had even opened, he heard his mother snapping his name.

     “Where have you been?” she demanded of him, all of a sudden holding his arms. He pulled out of her grasp, frowning.

     “Around.”

     “‘Around’?” Laura repeated. “I’m supposed to accept that? You never went to your grandmother’s, Dan; you disappeared until dark.”

     Dan made a noise to display his bitter indignation. “Does that matter? Everything’s dark to me regardless the time of day.”

     “Dan, you can’t go off without telling anyone where you are,” Robert said.

     “You too, Dad, really?” Dan moved to get around his parents, his fingers tight on the strap at his shoulder. “I’m old enough not to have to report to you every minute.” He slammed the door of his bedroom when he got there.

     “Daniel!”

     “Laura.” Robert shook his head, and she lifted her hands into the air helplessly.

***

     The last couple days of that week passed, and then it was Saturday. Dan visited his grandmother, still feeling a bit guilty that he’d left her to worry on Wednesday, especially since his grandpa was out of town and she was for the time being by herself.

     “How old was my mom when she had me?” he asked her from his position on the sofa. He was propped against its arm and had a pillow nestled in his own.

     “When she had you?” Joyce thought for a second. “She must’ve been around 22, 23. She met your father at university and they were married shortly after.”

     “Did she date much before him?”

     “Oh, no. He was her first boyfriend. And they were troublemakers.” Joyce laughed a little. “Gave your grandfather a run for his money.”

     Dan, by habit, traced the pattern of the flower embroidered on the pillow. “And she moved out after that, when they got married?”

     “Yes, she did. Why do you ask?”

     “I’ve just been thinking about my independence. Leaving home.”

     Joyce looked at Dan, surprised. “You haven’t got a job, love. How would you support yourself?”

     “Plenty of people at school have jobs, Grams. I know one kid who works for his father at their restaurant. It can’t be too hard.”

     “Still, it might be a bit early to be thinking of all that. You’re young. So much is going to happen in your life, so much is going to change. You’ve got plenty of time.” Joyce reached for Dan’s hand, patting it softly. He knew he was young, but he hated to think that not only his blindness but his age too worked against him. The former was the one thing he knew would never be different.

***

     Mr. Hansen began the third-period World History class with a clap of his hands. “Alright. We’ll be starting that project on Greece that I mentioned way back on the first day; it was a whole week ago so I don’t expect you to remember.” The class laughed as he went on, “We’ll need partners for this assignment…” Without hesitation, Cat grabbed Dan’s hand, both of them smiling widely. “But the pairings have to be same-gender. Boys will get Sparta, girls Athens.”

     Cat deflated, letting go of Dan and sent him a look before moving her desk away to talk with Louise. Phil was smiling, however, and raised his fist close to Dan’s head. “Want to be my partner?” Dan grinned and lifted a fist of his own to press against Phil’s in easy agreement.

     When school ended, Cat had already arranged to meet with Louise in the library, but was planning also to walk Dan back to his place.

     “Cat, why don’t I bring Dan today?” proposed Phil. Dan, already on Cat’s arm, lifted his head a bit. Truthfully, he was surprised that Phil was willing to take responsibility for him; Cat had always been the one to gladly accept, but they’d known each other far longer a time.

     “You don’t have to,” Cat said, dismissing the idea without much thought, but Dan tightened his grip to keep her from moving. They stood at the corner right across from the school.

     “It’s okay, Cat. I don’t mind,” he told her.

     “I… Are you sure?”

     “Yeah. Phil can’t be a total screw-up.” Phil snorted a laugh as Dan released Cat’s arm to instead take Phil’s. “Besides, it’s stupid for you to walk all the way to my house then back to school.” It was a bit odd, holding onto Phil, since Phil was taller than Cat and Dan had to keep a hold on an arm he wasn’t used to, but it wasn’t dissimilar in a bad way. They said their goodbyes and then began the walk to Dan’s. Cat looked back only once, just to make certain Dan didn’t need her, and then went on her way.

     “Nice of you to do this,” Dan said. “I hate being a drain.”

     “We have a project to do anyway, Dan, it’s no big deal.”

     “I wish my parents could see that about my blindness. I don’t need to be coddled.”

     “Parents can be overbearing as it is; I can’t imagine what it must be like for you,” Phil agreed.

     “I guess I’ve had to get used to it, though I do get more frustrated at times than at others,” Dan said. “There’s dangers no matter what you’re dealing with; sometimes I wish they’d get that and treat me like a normal fucking kid instead of… a crippled invalid.” Phil was so distracted listening to Dan speak that he didn’t notice the lifted section of the pavement until the boy tripped over it. He didn’t fall, but he hadn’t expected it, and his hold on Phil’s arm did tighten.

     “I’m so sorry, Dan; I forgot about the step!” Phil said, face flushed. “Are you okay?”

     “I’m not a china doll,” Dan said, completely calm. “I’m fine.” He removed the walking stick swiftly from the pocket of his backpack and unfolded it to go on walking. “You’ll get used to me soon enough. Don’t sweat it.”

     Heading into Dan’s bedroom, Laura promised that she would leave them alone to work, but Dan wasn’t sure he believed that. His mother was always so stressed it was like she expected to peek her head into the room and see Dan unconscious from an accidental ramming of his head into the wall.

     They’d been working for a few minutes in silence when Phil glanced over at Dan. He was sitting with his fingers tracing over the braille from the book on his lap. Phil pulled his iPod from his bag and began his playlist.

     Dan lifted his head, eyebrows drawing together. “What’re you doing?”

     “Playing music. You said all you listen to is classical so I thought maybe you just haven’t heard anything else worth your time. This definitely is.”

     The song suddenly became loud, and almost angrily intense; Dan didn’t know what to say. It was certainly not at all like what he listened to, but it was way too interesting to ignore.

     “It’s cool. What is it?”

     “Muse, it’s called ‘New Born,’” Phil told him. “Best album of all time, by far: _Origin of Symmetry_.” He stood up and poked Dan’s arm. “I dance to this stuff. It’s pretty hilarious to try. Come on.”

     “How do you dance to this?” Dan asked.

     “You just… I don’t know, throw your head around. It’s easier than you think.”

     “I can’t.”

     “Sure you can. No one is born without the ability to dance; they just either do it better or worse than anyone else.” Dan pursed his lips and pushed to his feet; Phil took a step back to give him room. “Feel free to move your feet,” he said, seeing that Dan was swaying his head a little without much else.

     Dan tried to let himself move more loosely, which was hard considering the only music he ever listened to was much more calm and not very dance-worthy, but he did try. The next song began and it almost sounded the way Dan in his head imagined fairy lights to look. Phil had always loved Bliss.

     “What made you get into classical music?” he enquired.

     “My grandma,” Dan replied. “I grew up with her saying that to really appreciate music you have to start with the classics.”

     “Looks like you got stuck there.”

     “I guess I did.” Dan lifted his foot, feeling awkward, as if he were shifting the weight from one to the other. “I probably look so dumb right now,” he said, fingertips pressed to the side of his head. They grazed his hairline and pushed the waves back.

     “No, you don’t. I’d say you’ve even mastered dancing well enough to go to a club now.”

     “Shut up,” Dan laughed, moving around Phil to rest on his bed. He tapped the rhythm on his thighs as Phil came to sit beside him. “This isn’t half bad. Kind of magical.”

     Phil smiled, watching Dan’s hands move. “You’re keeping a good beat.”

     “Well, I play the piano, a bit. My grandpa taught me.”

     “You’ll have to play for me some time.”

     “Maybe if you’re lucky. Though I’m really not all that good.”

     “For some reason,” Phil said, grinning at the piano that stood against a wall of the room, “I don’t really believe that.”

***

     They went to the shopping center the next day for a change of scenery as they worked. Dan sipped his bubble tea, and Phil watched him.

     “Have you always been like that?” he said abruptly.

     “What? Brown haired?” quipped Dan. Phil snorted and Dan laughed. “Yeah. I was born blind.”

     “So you’ve never… seen anything? Not Cat, or your parents?”

     “No.” Dan swirled the straw in his cup. “I get so frustrated sometimes, about that stuff. But if I can’t change it I guess I may as well try to forget about it.”

     “I can’t imagine it.”

     “Of course not. But it’s not so bad when I get people to do favors for me.” Dan grinned, shrugging. “Have to make the best of it I suppose.”

     “You know what?” Phil said, after a moment of quiet. “Why don’t we see a movie?”

     “Sure,” Dan agreed sarcastically, but not in any cross manner.

     Phil sighed. “I will get used to this. I swear.” He stood and grabbed the empty fry containers. Dan heard this and called to Phil at the trash bin, “See? Favors.”

***

     Dan sat beside Phil in the cinema, the darkness obviously of no consequence to him. Neither was the fact that he was leaning in close to Phil as he whispered what was happening in the film.

     “I need more explanation than what this seemed to provide,” Dan whispered. “Like, why is this one robot left to pick up the pieces if he’s so small?”

     “Are you size-shaming Wall-E? That’s low, Dan.”

     “Hey! I’m just saying. What’s happening? Who’s that talking?”

     “A fat guy in a futuristic wheelchair. He’s not a looker; you aren’t missing much.”

     “Who’s the jerk now?”

     “Still you.”

     Dan whacked Phil’s arm, laughing, and a man just ahead with two little kids snapped at them to be quiet. Dan’s head nearly fell into Phil’s chest from laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

 

 


	2. Space Dementia

     Phil dropped Dan off, opening the gate for him, and Dan wished that he didn’t have to go. Phil leaving meant that he had to go inside and meet his parents for dinner, which he didn’t want to do. He hadn’t said more than two words to them since Wednesday. Sometimes he thought about just not talking ever again, using gestures and head shakes in place of verbal communication.

     Some minutes into the meal, the sound of chewing was all that could be heard. Laura looked at Robert, who made a motion to indicate that he was as lost as she was.

     “So you’re not going to speak to us again, is that it?” Laura asked Dan. Obiously, he felt no inclination to reply. “Dan.”

     “Yeah?”

     “You know what you did was wrong.”

     “You know that you overreacted,” Dan said easily.

     Robert put his fork down. “We were worried, Dan.”

     “Aren’t you always? Do you know there’s a camping trip coming up for my science class, and I haven’t even confirmed I’m going because I know you won’t let me?”

     “What camping trip? If it’s for a class, Dan, then of course you must go.” Robert looked to his wife, who opened her mouth, then shut it again.

     “We just have to call the school to get the information on it,” she said, calm.

     “Why is everything such a production in this house?” Dan asked them, and the universe. “It’s like nothing I do can be for myself. Like I have to keep every step I take organized in a file with my name on the label.”

     “Dan, we can’t let you go on a camping trip with no information.”

     Dan stabbed at his chicken. “Do you even get how embarrassing it is to be treated like this?”

     “We’re calling the school, Dan. End of story.”

     Dan shut his mouth for the rest of dinner.

***

     Dan and Cat sat on one of the many benches in the schoolyard, Dan’s head in Cat’s lap the usual. She was watching Hazel Hayes flirt with Phil just as he left the school’s main building.

     “I can’t believe the nerve she has,” Cat said, partly to herself.

     “Who?”

     “Hazel. As if Phil would go for her.”

     Dan threaded his fingers together atop his abdomen. “Why not?”

     “She’s way too… She has no standards. Like she used to flirt with you all the time and now’s jumped to someone new.”

     “She wasn’t flirting, Cat, not with me. I’m not exactly a catch.”

     Cat tapped his head sharply. “Hey! Yes, you are too a catch. Shut up with that crap.”

     “What’s he look like?” Dan asked, eyes on the sky.

     “Who?”

     “Phil.” He was surprised that it hadn’t occurred to him to ask before this, but more and more he’d found that he wanted to know.

     “Oh. Well, he’s a bit taller than both of us, but more me than you. And he’s got these eyes, Dan, that are so incredible. Blue and green and even some sparks of yellow. Black hair which looks sort of straightened but I think there’s every chance it may be natural… He’s also on his way over.”

     “Hey, guys,” Phil greeted them both not more than two moments later.

     “Hi, Phil,” Cat and Dan said in unison.

     “How’s the project going, Cat?”

     “Not too bad. I like Louise and all; it’s just I’m used to working with Dan.” She tugged at a strand of Dan’s hair. His grandma had given him a haircut the last time he’d visited, at his complaint that his curls had to be verging on the insane by this point. “I hope he isn’t dragging you down.” Dan laughed, reaching to whack her.

     “No worse than you’d expect,” replied Phil.

     “You’re both traitors,” Dan announced.

     “How was yesterday?”

     “We ended up going to the cinema instead of actually working,” Phil laughed.

     Cat’s smile dropped slightly. She and Dan had never been to the cinema. She hated reminding him that he couldn’t see the action onscreen. But he’d gone with Phil like it was nothing.

     “That’s nice. Dan, my legs are asleep.” He got up immediately and Cat stood. “Well, got to meet Louise. See you guys later.” She walked off, quicker than normal, but Phil could only shrug it off.

     “You hear about that party Hazel is throwing?” he asked Dan.

     “No. There’s a party?”

     “Friday, yeah. She just told me about it. You should come; it’ll be fun.”

     “I don’t know why,” Dan said, “but the idea of a blind kid at a party doesn’t seem like the most exciting of ideas. Try again next time.”

     Phil rolled his eyes. “Who cares, Dan? She asked me to do the music, as I am such a genius of sound, and it’d be cool if you came.”

     “Maybe.” Dan moved his head in Phil’s direction. “I have to stop by my grandma’s again today, but come by around five and we can go to my place, yeah?”

     “Sure.” They bumped fists in a simple type of handshake and Dan headed for Joyce’s.

***

     He sat at the table by the window, smiling when she brought his cup of tea and ruffled his hair gently. She sat in the chair opposite him, filling out her calendar for the next few weeks.

     “How did you meet Gramps?” Dan thought to ask, hands wrapped around his tea mug.

     Joyce smiled, amused. “Why the sudden interest?”

     “Don’t know. I’ve just never asked about it before and it seemed weird that I haven’t.”

     “Well, it was… it must’ve been ’55. He worked at the shop I stopped at every morning for a cup of coffee, and he always had it ready so that I could run in and grab it. Well one day I was running late, and when I got to the shop he let me go ahead of everyone in the line to get my cup.” Joyce laughed. “Everyone was so mad at him. Except me, of course.”

     Dan smiled. He tapped on his mug; the beat resembled that of the music Phil had introduced him to yesterday, specifically Bliss.

     “I know.” A knock came at the door, and Dan smiled.

     “Is that Cat already?”

     “No, it’s Phil. We’re going to work on our History project.” Dan stood up to let him in, and Joyce smiled almost knowingly at the look on his face.

     Five minutes into working, Cat called Dan, and when he hung up he told Phil what she’d said: “If we get bored Cat said we can stop by her place for a swim.”

     “We can also get a failing grade on this assignment,” Phil said, making Dan laugh. Despite his words, another few minutes passed and he was already bored of the quiet. He called Dan’s cell, and he answered, unaware that it was in fact Phil until Phil said robotically, “Wall-E.”

     “What’re you doing?” Dan demanded, unable to hide his laugh.

     “Wanted to hear your ringtone again.” Phil touched Dan’s arm briefly to let him know that he’d come to sit on the windowsill beside Dan’s chair. “You changed it. ‘Citizen Erased.’ Not a bad choice.”

     “I appreciate the validation.” Dan had been barely able to choose between all the options. He loved just about every song on the album Phil had introduced him to, and he now listened to it on his own whenever he got the chance. “You do know we have an actual project to complete, right?”

     “Yeah, yeah…” Phil stood up to go back to the desk and continue reading. “You know what? You should teach me some braille.”

     “‘Teach you some braille’?”

     “Come on, you know what I mean,” Phil said, laughing. “It seems difficult but you do it like nothing.” Dan stood with his book and dropped it into the desk in front of where Phil sat, then went out of the room. When he came back he had a dining-room chair, of which he settled to Phil’s left.

     “Here, then. Run your fingers over the pages like I’m sure you’ve seen me do a million times.” Phil tried this, grinning.

     “It’s impossible. Seriously.”

     “It’s not impossible. It’s easy, really,” Dan said. “We all learned to read, I just learned it a bit differently.”

     “You could tell me this book said anything in the world and I’d just have to believe you. How do I know you aren’t making it all up?”

     “I guess you’ll just have to trust me,” answered Dan. “Or learn it. Give me your hand.” Phil complied and Dan ran the tips of his fingers over the tiny bumps of the page. “This here is a hyphen. Feel it?”

     With a laugh, Phil’s hand slid out from beneath Dan’s. “I give up. I’m a quitter.”

     “Phil.”

     “It’ll take way too long to learn all this,” Phil said, “and I haven’t got that much patience, whereas yours seems limitless.”

     “But it isn’t impossible to learn. I did it. Impossible is me… trying to ride a bike.” He sighed. “Not this.” Phil shook his head, taking off his hoodie as Dan pulled a slip of paper off the top shelf of his desk.

     “Here,” he said. “It’s the same alphabet, when it comes down to it.”

     Phil grinned at the patterned letters. “Cool. Thanks.” He slid the paper into his bag, then stopped and looked to Dan. “You know what tonight is?”

     “Wednesday night.”

     “The eclipse! I’ve been dying to see it; it only happens a couple times a year, if that.” Dan raised his eyebrows, and Phil’s excitement fell almost instantly. Of course it made no difference to Dan. “It’s still cool. You should come with me.”

     “When’s it happening?”

     “Around one.”

     “A.M.?” Dan huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, right. My parents would never let me go.”

     “We could always sneak out.”

***

     So that’s how Dan ended up sat next to Phil way out in the middle of what felt like nowhere on a hill overlooking Manchester. It was Phil’s own little place, something he’d discovered in his tour of the city, and he’d brought Dan there to entrust him with it too. Even if it was dumb to, he couldn’t say that he didn’t feel a little bit special at being chosen. From what he had learned about Phil, he liked pretty things. This hill had to be incredible. Dan wondered why Phil had opted to bring him to it.

     “I don’t get what the big deal is about this eclipse thing,” he said.

     “It’s incredible,” Phil promised. “I guess you’ll have to take my word for it when it happens.”

     “That’s what I have to do with everything else.” His voice was quieter, but held no resentment. Dan pulled at a curl that fell onto his forehead. “What does an eclipse even entail?”

     “It’s when the moon disappears from the sky.”

     “Where does it go?”

     Phil chuckled. “It doesn’t go anywhere. It’s like…” He gently put a hand to Dan’s cheek, for just a second. Dan started at the touch, not expecting it, but didn’t move again. “It’s like how when you sunbathe at Cat’s. The warmth that hits the one side of your face is from the rays of the sun, depending on where it is in the sky.”  
     Dan smiled, shaking his head, and Phil got to his feet and found a few stones, then once he had, he came back and sat in front of cross-legged Dan. “Okay,” he said. “I’ve got three rocks.” He took Dan’s hand and ran it over them. “Here’s the first, being the sun, then the earth and the moon. They aren’t in a row, so the sun illuminates the earth and the moon, as well as your face.” Dan laughed quietly, smiling. Phil dropped his head, grinning. “This is so weird. I’ve never had to explain this before.”

     “I’m sure it’s just as cool as you’re trying to make it sound.”

     “Well, the eclipse happens when the three are aligned in space,” Phil went on, moving the middle stone representing the earth in between the other two. “The sunlight can’t get to the moon now, can it? And since we on earth can only see what’s illuminated, we can’t see the moon for those few moments.”

     “I wish I could see it. Or, I guess… not see it?”

     Phil looked at him, a soft smile on his lips while he rubbed the stone moon in his fingers. “I wish you could too.” He didn’t know what else to say, so he fell onto his back and looked up at the sky. Dan sat beside him, the sun enclosed in his palms.

***

     Phil brought Dan home on the back of his bike, swerving more than necessary to make the journey more interesting for him. Hearing Dan’s surprised laughs always made him smile, no matter how many times he’d heard it before.

     Dan walked into his house around three, but it was completely worth the exhaustion. He’d never snuck out before, and was grateful that he had made it back without waking his parents. When he got to his room, he felt around on his desk for the hoodie Phil had mentioned forgetting earlier that day. He’d requested that he bring it to school the next. For a moment, Dan pressed his hand against the soft fabric, then he picked it up and brought it to his nose. He inhaled. It smelled of sage, and sort of like wood. It was a lot of different things at once, just like Phil.

     Dan slipped the hoodie over his shoulders and pulled it over his head as he fell onto his mattress, breathing in. It was almost like having Phil right next to him.


	3. Hyper Music

     Hazel asked Dan and Cat after the final bell where Phil had gone. Cat rolled her eyes as soon as Hazel made her way to the toilets, where Phil was.

     “She’s such a stalker. As though Phil cares to talk to her at all.” Cat leaned her head against the wall. “And there he is for her to attack. Playing with her hair like that. He doesn’t even seem like the type to care about that stuff, trying so hard.” Cat nudged Dan’s knee, eyes wide. “And she’s touching his shoulder! And now his hand, which is disgusting since she can’t have any idea if he’s washed it. Why can’t she pretend to be discreet?”

     Dan walked home with Phil again, and halfway there Phil grinned at Dan. “I don’t think you need that stick anymore, Dan.” Dan shrugged and folded it up to put away.

     “Did you hear Hazel’s question in Chem today? She’s absurd.” He was pushing it, but he needed to know if Phil felt anything for her. It was biting at the back of his brain and wouldn’t stop. He cursed Cat for saying what she had. Oozing subtlety, Dan went on, “Or… do you think she’s cool?”

     “She isn’t too bad,” Phil said. He didn’t seem too concerned with his response, like the question (or maybe Hazel herself) weren’t of any more consequence than a pebble underfoot. His words were a giant _shrug_. “Have you thought any more about that party?”

     “No.”

     “Don’t you like Hazel?”

     “I don’t mind her. But a party with my classmates sounds like shit and I can’t really force myself to be excited about it.”

     “It might be fun regardless,” Phil maintained. “Not everyone acts the way they do in school. Most people are actually quite different.”

     “I doubt it.”

     “Aren’t _you_ different?”

     Dan bit back a smile.

     They walked into his room and his phone rang. Dan answered, and Phil looked over as he said, “I thought you were with Louise in the library again today. We didn’t know… But we—Cat. I’m sorry. Cat?” He pulled the phone away from his ear with a frown.

     “What’s up?” Phil asked him.

     “Cat is pissed we didn’t wait for her after school.”

     “How were we supposed to know to wait? Isn’t she with Louise?”

     “Apparently not.” Dan went quiet, staring off at his bed, and Phil looked from his book back to Dan. He didn’t know what to say.

     The next day, Friday, they waited for Cat. She saw them, and walked right past where they sat on the steps. Phil sighed.

     “Let’s go, Dan.”

     “Without Cat? No way. She’ll kill us.”

     “Something tells me she won’t.” Dan waited, and Phil went on, “She just passed by without saying a word.”

     “For real?”

     “For real.”

     Dan looked ahead. If she needed space from him, he could give that to her. He wasn’t entirely sure what he’d done, but he wouldn’t deny Cat what she evidently wanted. “Then let’s go.” He stood up, adjusting the straps of his bag, and took Phil’s arm as he always did. Phil had grown used to moving slower for Dan’s benefit, to the point he almost didn’t notice it anymore.

     “What’s up, Dan?” Jax called out from where he and his buddies stood by the trees. “You and your boyfriend still hot and heavy, huh?” Without a word, Dan flipped them all off. They laughed, but it still made him feel good. “The new guy is doing you good, Dan; making you more of a man.”

     Phil pulled gently at Dan to get him moving again. Dan pulled out his walking stick and, as much as it pained him, now created two feet between himself and Phil.

***

     Cat couldn’t stand this. She didn’t even know why she’d come to this stupid party in the first place; it wasn’t like she liked anyone in her class outside of Dan and Phil, and she wasn’t speaking to them at the moment. Maybe she’d come to prove something to them, or herself. Did it matter? Dan couldn’t even see that she was there! And surely Phil didn’t know her well enough to mind either. She saw Hazel stoop for half a second to speak to Dan, who was sat on the sofa across the room. Dan replied to whatever Hazel had said only as she walked off, unaware that she was no longer there. Cat’s fingers tightened around the cup in her hand.

     She stood and made for the drinks table, but was as unimpressed by the selection now as she had been half an hour ago. Down the hall to her right, she saw some boys were having a bit more fun. Maybe a stronger drink would make this so-called party more bearable.

***

     Dan was bored. He knew that Cat had to be here somewhere, but it didn’t matter since she still refused to answer his calls to talk with him. He knew Phil was here, seeing as they’d walked here together. But being made to sit blindly (literally) on a sofa and remain quiet as a kid at the adults’ dinner table was, to be honest, shitty. He’d said as much when Phil had told him to come, and yet he had showed up anyhow. Dumbass.

     He smiled, though, when a song he finally recognized came on. Bliss. Not five seconds later, he felt a hand tug his wrist, another at the nape of his neck.

     “Dan, come dance,” he heard Phil say close to his ear, over the music. He let Phil guide him to the dance floor. “Hazel, I made a playlist with a couple of our favorites. Would you mind if I play it for a while?”

     “No, of course not; enjoy yourself,” Hazel said. Dan could hear the smile in her voice. “Dan, I’m glad you’re finally joining the party!”

     “Who would guess?” he replied. He felt awkward, and wished that at this point in his life he would be past that.

     “Feel free to move your feet,” Phil whispered to him, a hand grazing his back. Remembering the other day in his bedroom and Phil’s voice bringing him out of his head, Dan grinned. He paused, however, when Phil added, “I’m going to get a drink. You guys want anything?”

     “I’ll come too,” Dan said hastily, much too hastily in fact, but Hazel said, “No way. Now that you’re dancing you’re staying with me.”

     “I’ll be right back,” Phil assured Dan, and then Dan knew he’d gone. Fuck.

     _Everything about you is how I'd want to be._

     “Dan, I actually wanted to ask you about something,” Hazel said.

     “Yeah?”

     “Has Phil ever… talked to you? About me, I mean?”

     Dan wished that he was in his bed with Phil’s hoodie. Or maybe Phil. “Like if he’s into you?” Anywhere but here.

     _Everything about you is innate happiness._

     “Exactly!”

     “Erm, no. Not that I recall.”

***

     Cat sat atop the drinks table, a frown stuck to her mouth. She wasn’t having a good time at all, and the alcohol hadn’t even helped. If anything, it had darkened her mood further. They didn’t call it a depressant for nothing. (Okay, if she remembered correctly this referred to bodily functions but whatever! This sucked any way she looked at it.)

     “Cat.” She looked down to see Phil stood there, a gentle expression of concern in his eyes. “What’re you drinking?”

     “I don’t know.”

     “How can you not know?” Cat shrugged, so Phil picked up her cup and sipped from it. His face crinkled into itself. “Vodka. Definitely Vodka.”

***

     “Could you help me?” Hazel asked. “Give him some hints that I’m into him?”

     “I’m not sure it’ll help, but sure, I guess,” Dan said, uncomfortable, his constant state. Hazel squealed and kissed his cheek.

     “You’re a sweetheart, Dan! Thank you! I’m going to check how the party’s going, okay? Talk to you later!” Of course she ditched him, now that she got what she wanted. Where was Phil anyway? Dan turned to go back to the sofa, at least feel his way back to the wall, when the music was stopped abruptly in the beginning notes of Hyper Music.

     “You know what time it is!” Jackson’s grating voice yelled to the room. “Spin the bottle!”

     Everyone cheered, apart from Dan. He was going to flat-out leave, but an arm came around his shoulders to stop him. He could hear Blake say, encouraging, “Play with us!”

     “Yeah! It’ll be fun!” Jax agreed.

     “I’m not in the mood.”

     “Scared to be kissed, Dan?”

     “Shut up, prick,” Dan snapped at Jax’s taunts. “Why would I be scared?”

     “Then prove it and stay.”

     “Fine. Whatever.” Dan shoved past him and went to the center of the room, where his classmates had formed a circle. Blake made room for him and adjusted Dan so that he could take a seat, then Jax called for the game to begin, starting with himself.

***

     “Why are you even over here?” Cat asked Phil as he lifted himself up to sit beside her on the table. “Shouldn’t you be taking care of Dan?”

     “He doesn’t need a babysitter,” Phil said. “You should talk to him, Cat.”

     “As if. He doesn’t even like me anymore,” Cat said, somehow making the sip she took from her cup look bitter.

     “What? You’re his best friend, Cat!”

     “Besides,” Cat added, like Phil hadn’t spoken, “he doesn’t want to talk to me.”

     “Aren’t _you_ the one avoiding his calls?” Phil pointed out. “ _He_ thinks you’re mad at him. _He_ thinks you hate him.”

     Cat rolled her eyes with a pull at her waist to unnecessarily straighten her skirt. “This is your fault, you know.”

     “My fault?”

     “Yeah! If you hadn’t come to Manchester everything would be the same as it was a few weeks ago, instead of like it is now: me not talking to my best friend.” Cat coughed, sliding off the tabletop, and Phil followed her down the hallway, where she shoved people aside to get into the bathroom. He apologized to them for her, trying to hurry and help a sick Cat hold the hair back away from her face.

***

     For a few blessed minutes into the game, Dan sat in silence and was ignored. This couldn’t last forever, he found out, when Jax said his name after Zoe’s spin.

     “Lucky man hit the jackpot,” he said loudly. “Go on, Zoe. Blake, get him up.” Dan jumped up quickly, not at all wishing to be handled by Blake, and found that he couldn’t move. Despite all spaces in his mind telling him to move it out of there, he stayed frozen in place.

***

     Once Cat had been sat down for more than thirty seconds, Phil thought it was safe to speak. “I’m sorry for getting between you guys,” he said. “The last thing I wanted was to hurt you or Dan.”

     Cat wiped the hair damp with sweat from her face. “A little late for apologies, don’t you think?”

     “Doesn’t mean I can’t still be sorry about it.”

     “I’ve always been there for him, you know?” Cat shook her head. “Always. And then he goes and abandons me for the first person that comes along, after also dropping the bomb that he plans to leave the country?” Phil look over at Cat, his eyebrows coming together. “Like it doesn’t matter that he’d be leaving me here by myself? Like he doesn’t even care. How could your best friend do that?”

     Phil stared at his feet, knees to his chest. “Dan’s moving?”

     “He wants to leave Manchester and not come back,” Cat told him, head against the wall. Seeing his face, a knowing and almost sympathetic glint came to her eyes. “He didn’t tell you, did he?”

     “No.”

***

     “I think we can all agree that this is an important event in Dan’s life,” Jax said, like he was stood behind a podium, “so it’s only fair that we have some music to set the mood, am I right?” He patted Zoe’s arm and went to Phil’s DJ setup; still on Phil’s playlist, he cranked it to the song with the title he thought would most satirize the occasion: Endlessly.

     While there, Jax lifted Hazel’s pug from his bed off the floor. Seeing this, the crowd realised his intention behind making this turn Dan’s. He motioned them all into silence, Dan beside Blake with no clue what he had gotten himself into.

***

     “It’s like the more time goes by the more it seems like he doesn’t care about me anymore,” Cat said. “Like, he chose you over me in ten seconds. And he doesn’t even get that.”

     “It’s not like that.”

     “Yes, Phil, it really is. You don’t know what we were like before you got here.” Cat fiddled with her fingers, and Phil shrugged. The news of Dan’s wanting to get out of the country had left him feeling a bit sick and he didn’t want to mollify Cat any more tonight.

     “So tell him that,” he said. “What’s the point in keeping this stuff all bottled in? We just need to share how we feel.”

     “I’m guessing that doesn’t refer to me and you?”

     Phil looked over at Cat, blue eyes lost. “What about me and you?”

     Cat shook her head and got to her feet. “Exactly,” she said, stepping over Phil and hurrying from the bathroom. She walked into the main room to see Jax stood in front of Dan with a pug held not half a foot from his awaiting lips. “Are you dick-holes insane?” she demanded of Jax and Blake. She ran to Dan, pulling his arm.

     “Cat? What’re you doing?” he said as she dragged him out of the house. Phil, walking in a second later, saw their retreat and trailed after. “Why did you do that?” Dan asked once on the porch.

     “Let’s just get out of here, Dan, seriously.”

     “Why? Are you jealous of Zoe, like you’ve been about Phil?” Cat released Dan’s arm, stung. “You were the one saying I should kiss someone, and now when I’m about to you yank me away?” Cat didn’t say anything, and Dan’s anger faded in the slightest. “I haven’t exactly had the best few days without you, Cat. You’ve always been there and suddenly you weren’t. But that’s almost better than this, where you’ve changed to the point it’s like you aren’t even you.”

     Cat took a step back from him, shaking her head. “ _I’m_ not myself? Fuck you, Dan. Seriously.” She left, and he stood there aware that she had but also unable to go after her. He wasn’t sure if she expected him to or if he even should.

     The door opened and Phil said, “Where’d Cat go?”

     “I don’t know; she left,” Dan said, moving past him impatiently for the door. Phil held his arm to keep him there.

     “I think we should leave too, Dan.”

     “What’s with you two? Did you make a pact to ruin my night?” Dan made a sound of annoyance. “Why don’t you just fuck off and look for Hazel?”

     “Dan, I’m not kidding; it’s late anyway. I can walk you home so your parents don’t have to drive out here—”

     “I don’t get this,” Dan said, refusing to move. “You’re the one who made me come to this party in the first place, when _I_ was the one who couldn’t be bothered.” Phil stayed quiet, and Dan hit his arm. He was glad he managed to find it in the air he’d previously had to assume Phil was occupying. “Answer me, Phil!”

     “I haven’t done anything; why’re you so angry at me?”

     “Because everyone I know wants to control me and won’t let me do the things _I_ actually want to do, like kissing someone for once in my 16 years of life! Jesus fucking Christ, I’m blind, not diseased; it isn’t like I’m repulsive, am I? Am I?”

     Phil kissed him. It was very brief and over before it began but it still left Dan without words as Phil took the porch steps two at a time and disappeared down the street on his bike.

***

     Of course he wasn’t sure what it meant. Dan spent the weekend alone, his cell standing by in wait for a message or call from either of his friends, but neither came. He left the house Sunday afternoon to go shopping with his mum just for the fresh air, and he didn’t bring his phone.

 


	4. Citizen Erased

     A painful week passed in which he didn’t speak to Cat or Phil; Dan stumbled his way through his classes without them, trying to not need either of them. With the weekend came the camping trip, but whereas it had before seemed like a great opportunity for time away with his friends, it now looked as though he would be on his own the same as he had been the past seven days.

     He sat on the bench near the bus, hoping that Phil or Cat would stop to grab him on their way on, but they didn’t, and soon it was time to leave for the camp ground. Sullen, Dan allowed Mr. Julien to lead him to the bus to board, and was seated right up front.

     “Head check tells me we’re missing two students,” Julien announced, at the back of the bus. “I’m going to have to go by name.” Dan put his earbuds in, the familiarity of his newest playlist (Muse and Mozart) relaxing his tense shoulders.

     “There they are! Not missing anymore,” Jax whistled, Blake cackling at his side. Dan didn’t want to know who _they_ were, but he had a feeling that he already did.

     “Phil Lester. Hazel Hayes. Glad you could join us,” Mr. Julien said dryly.

     “Yeah, guys; what were you getting up to out there?” Blake asked. The students laughed, apart from Dan and Cat, of course, and Hazel rolled her eyes.

     “Dirty minds,” she said, moving down the aisle. Phil walked behind her, his gaze falling on Dan for only a moment before flickering off again. Dan squeezed his knees, wishing this weekend were over.

     “Hey, hey, quiet, guys; let’s go over the instructions again, alright? Now people who brought tents…”

***

     Dan sat by the water, the sun vaguely warm on his head and the grass damp beneath his shorts. It was cloudy, so sunscreen hadn’t been necessary. He probably wouldn’t have worn it anyhow. He had the audiobook for _Ready Player One_ going; just something Phil had mentioned on of their walks home. He liked it so far, and could almost forget the shit of the past week in listening to the story.

     _She just stared at me. Or rather, her avatar stared blankly back at my_ _avatar. Then she said, “I’m sorry, Z. This is all my fault. I let this get way_ _out of hand. It has to stop.”_

_“What do you mean? What has to stop?”_

_“I think we should take a break. Stop spending so much time together.”_

_I felt like I’d been punched in the throat. “Are you breaking up with me?”_

_“No, Z,” she said firmly. “I am not breaking up with you. That would be impossible, because we are_ not _together.” There was suddenly venom in her voice. “We’ve never even met!”_

_“So then… you’re just going to… stop talking to me?”_

_“Yes. I think that would be for the best.”_

_“For how long?”_

_“Until the Hunt is over.”_

_“But, Arty . . . That could take years.”_

_“I realize that. And I’m sorry. But this is how it has to be.”_

_“So win—”_

     “Dan,” Mr. Julien said. Dan pulled the earbuds out, turning his head to the left. “I’ve collected the sample for you. It’s in this vial.” Dan offered a hand for Julien to place the vial into. “We can analyze it later in the lab, alright?”

     “Sure. Thanks.”

     “There’s a form that has to be filled out as well…” Another student called to Mr. Julien, and he glanced her way before going on, “so be sure to get help on that. If you need anything, just call.”

     “Yeah.”

     Mr. Julien went to the group that had called him; it happened to be Hazel, Zoe, and Phil. The latter looked Dan’s way for only a second, and when he’d zoned back into his own group saw that they were walking off with the teacher. He went instead to Dan.

     “Morning,” he said to him.

     “Hey,” Dan replied. His body didn’t acknowledge Phil’s presence, and his voice was dull, but he was genuinely taken aback that for the first time in how long, Phil was showing that he still knew of Dan’s existence.

     “How’s the assignment going?”

     “Alright. Julien’s doing it for me, mostly, so…” Dan shrugged. “I guess it’s a good thing we didn’t pair up; otherwise you’d be doing it instead.”

     “I wouldn’t mind,” Phil replied easily.

     Dan hid his smile. He hated how effortless it was for Phil to bring it out in him. “So, Hazel’s party was… pretty crazy, yeah?”

     “I don’t really remember,” Phil said. “I was pretty drunk, to be honest.”

     “Were you?”

     Phil rattled his fingers against his clipboard. “Yeah. I didn’t think so at the time, you know, but Saturday morning was brutal…”

     “Oh. Do you remember, like… anything, at all?”

     “Sitting with Cat. She was sick in the bathroom.” Phil laughed, soft. “Definitely can’t forget that.” Dan didn’t say anything. “You can work with me and my group, if you want to, Dan. They won’t mind.”

     Dan shrugged this off. “I don’t want to be a hassle.”

     “You won’t be. Besides, the day’s almost through anyway. Open swim’s in just a couple hours,” Phil said. “Sooner we’re finished, sooner we can have fun.”

     As Dan stood to brush the back of his shorts of grass, he shrugged again. “I guess so.” He began to walk, and Phil said, “Dan, wait a sec.” Dan did.

     “I’ve been meaning to ask you about… Well, it’s just Cat mentioned you’re thinking about moving away,” Phil said. “Like, out of Manchester…”

     “So?”

     “Are you still thinking about it?”

     Dan was staring off at the lake water. “I don’t know. I don’t think it’s one of those things I can want one second but not the next. So probably.”

     “Where’d you want to go?”

     “Maybe Los Angeles, in the States,” said Dan. “There’s some place in Florida called Gator-Land. I read about it in a magazine.”

     “Well then you’ve got to go.” Dan’s self-conscious grin made Phil laugh, which in turn made Dan laugh as they walked on.

***

     Hanging around Phil again didn’t mean that Cat had up and decided to do the same in regards to Dan. As they sat by the pool, she avoided the boys and acted almost as though they weren’t there. Phil wished she would quit her grudge, if just for Dan’s sake.

     Dan had his knees drawn to his chest while Phil splashed around; he would spray Dan with intermittent drops of water to keep him from getting too locked in his own head. Hazel wandered over, grinning, and rustled a hand through Phil’s hair like it was nothing.

     “Where’s that fringe of yours?” she asked, wry.

     “Wait ’til it’s dry,” Phil said with a light laugh. She rolled her eyes jokingly and walked off as Phil pulled himself out of the pool. Hearing him, Dan tilted his head in Phil’s direction. “Dan, did you want to go sit?” Dan made a noncommittal gesture but stood, taking Phil’s arm like no time had passed in which he hadn’t. They claimed the chairs set up side by side and once he was sat, Phil used his towel to dry off.

     “I’m assuming you haven’t put on sunscreen,” he said. Dan shook his head. “If your mum were here she’d bite your head off.”

     “Does it matter? I hate that stuff.”

     “Not even on your face? That’s where you burn the worst.”

     Dan hated when his mother pestered him about his skin, but Phil somehow made the nagging far more tolerable. “Fine,” he said. “I’ll use it.” Phil grinned and squeezed some of the sunscreen into Dan’s waiting hand. He applied some to himself, and a glance back to his friend showed that Dan was trying but mostly failing to apply it evenly.

     “Dan, you’ve got too much here and hardly any there,” Phil told him, reaching over to help. At the feel of fingers on his face, Dan moved in the slightest, but knowing it was Phil and no one else kept him from complaining. “And your chest?”

     “You sound like my mum now; quit it,” Dan ordered, but he was smiling as he accepted another splotch of sunscreen. In his attempt to help, Phil had just set his hand to Dan’s patchy stomach when they heard from the pool, “Damn. The relationship is really getting hot now, eh?” Phil stopped and glared at Jax and Blake, while Dan’s fingers grabbed his t-shirt from off the table and clenched it against his torso.

     “Mind your business, jackass,” Phil said, for the first time in a long while employing a swear.

     Jax and Blake waved their hands to mock Phil’s apparent hysteria and ducked further back into the water. Dan muttered, “Prick,” and remained quiet thereafter.

***

     Nearly an hour later, the pool area had become empty of all their peers. Phil looked around and sighed. “Dan, could we go now?”

     “Has everyone left?”

     “Yes. I think we’ve waited long enough.”

     Dan snorted. “Maybe. There’s no way I’m showering with a bunch of other people.”

     “Why not?”

     “It’s embarrassing, okay?” Dan said bitingly. “I can’t fucking see. They can all see _me_ but I can’t bloody well see any of _them_ , can I? How’s that fair?”

     “It’s the same every day, Dan.”

     “Not in a shower!” retorted Dan.

     So Phil went quiet and they waited five more minutes. Then Dan breathed out and dropped his feet to the cement to stand. Phil followed suit and waited for Dan to take hold of his arm.

     He’d been right; the showers were void of anyone else. Phil dropped his towel onto the bench as Dan did. “You can get undressed, Dan; there’s really nobody here except me.”

     “I’m ready.”

     Phil raised his eyebrows. “As in, you’re showering with your trunks on?” Dan nodded, impatient, and Phil shrugged, pulling off his shorts. It wasn’t like Dan could see him anyway. He led Dan to the showers and turned one dial, guiding Dan’s hands to the soap holders so he would know where they were once set down; sure Dan could manage, Phil switched the shower beside Dan’s on for himself.

     Water traveling over his body, Dan felt coated in another layer of skin. “This sunscreen won’t wash off; I shouldn’t have bothered with it.”

     “I’m guessing you need more soap,” Phil advised. Dan had his back to Phil, not that he would notice—he was trying his best to get fully clean in shorts which was more and more frustrating because despite being stood under hot water, the sunscreen was making Dan feel filthier by the second. He decided to end it and dragged the trunks off, wet fabric almost worse than the sunscreen. It was a relief to have them off, and he’d nearly forgotten that Phil was there until he heard the other boy’s feet behind him.

     “I was thinking about trying a drink tonight,” he said, to begin a conversation.

     “If you’re sure,” Phil said. He had turned around, all of a sudden feeling closed in, and when he looked back to Dan he saw that he was now facing Phil. His eyes were unseeing, Phil knew that, but it didn’t stop his throat from constricting.

     “We could drink together,” Dan suggested. “If you were planning to drink at all, I mean.”

     “I guess so,” Phil said. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep his eyes where they belonged, which was of course Dan’s face. Phil didn’t have to look down at himself to know what was happening. He felt unreasonably disgusted, as though he were taking advantage of Dan, and stepped backward. “I—I’m done here, okay?” he said, hurriedly switching off the water. “I’ll wait over here.”

     Hair still lathered, Dan nodded. “Sure. Whatever.” Phil wrapped himself in his towel and stood at the benches, gaze on Dan, then he closed his eyes. With an inhale, he sat down and kept his attention focused on his lap, breathing slowly to calm himself down.

***

     The boys changed into heavy jumpers for the night, walking through the rooming area to get to the campfire where some other students were gathered. Hazel appeared at Phil’s side with a ready smile.

     “Hey, Phil. Hi, Dan.”

     “Hi, Hazel.”

     “Your jumper looks cozy, Phil,” she said, “and the design’s pretty as well.” He smiled in thanks and Dan frowned. He didn’t know what Phil was wearing. He barely even knew what he looked like whereas Hazel got to stare at him whenever she wanted to. Not for the first time, he berated himself for thinking about the things he had no control over.

     “Excited for the party tonight?” she inquired.

     If it were possible, Dan’s lips fell into a line thinner than before. “Isn’t it mostly just everyone hanging about ’round here?”

     “Well, there’ll be beer and stuff too. Pavers and Julien are blind.”

     “I’m actually feeling tired,” Dan said, pretending to be offhand. Not that having Hazel around didn’t sap Dan of his energy.

     “Aren’t you the one who said you wanted to drink tonight?” Phil asked, glancing his way.

     “That was earlier.”

     “You can’t leave yet; the party hasn’t even started yet,” Hazel objected. “And besides, we’re all staying awake to see the sunrise.” Dan squeezed his right hand into a fist, careful not to do the same with the hand on Phil’s arm.

     “I’m sure it’d be beautiful, if I were able to see it.” He was aware that he was being rather tetchy, but he couldn’t help it. It wasn’t fair, and he didn’t understand why he had to act as the pacifist all the time when he’d gotten a short end of the stick in all of this.

     Dan could almost feel Phil’s eyes return to him at his sour words, but he ignored him. “I didn’t mean to…” Hazel didn’t know how to respond. “It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stay.”

     “And you can’t back out that easily,” Phil added. “You’re going to drink. There has to be a first time and it may as well be with me.” He helped Dan to sit some feet from the fire, glad that Dan couldn’t see the red on his cheeks. He blamed it on a residual sunburn.

     “Is Cat around?” Dan asked. Phil looked and spotted Cat across the way, he waved a little, and she turned her head away.

     “She’s here, yeah, pretending like she can’t see us,” Phil said. He motioned to Cat in a gesture meant to invite her over.

     “You and Cat aren’t talking, Dan?” Hazel asked.

     “I guess not.” If not speaking with someone for weeks qualified.

     “You should,” Phil told him.

     “Thanks. Solid advice.”

     Phil bumped Dan’s shoulder with his own. “Dan, come on.”

     “What, Phil?” Dan demanded, leaning away. “She’s acting like she doesn’t see me. What am _I_ supposed to say to her? Why am I the conciliatory force here?”

     “Did you need me?” Cat questioned, standing in front of Phil.

     “Sit with us,” he said.

     “What for?”

     “Because we want you to.” Cat looked to Dan; her eyes were sad, but it was clear that she was trying very hard not to show it to anyone else. She slowly dropped down at his side. Phil tried not to smile too widely. “Hazel and I’ll get something to drink, then.” They jumped up and disappeared toward the patio that had the drinks tables. Dan knew what Phil was up to, but he had no idea how to go about talking to Cat. They were both silent, and he hated it.

     “I’m sorry,” he managed.

     “For what? Having Phil call me over here for you?”

     Dan made a noise of resentment. “I didn’t ask him to get you over here,” he said, cross.

     “Then why?”

     “I don’t know, okay? A lot of things. Like snapping at you when we were at Hazel’s.”

     Cat rolled her eyes. “Dan, they were going to make you kiss a dog! You shouldn’t have even been mad at me.”

     “What’re you talking about?”

     “Dan.”

     “What dog?” Dan said, his tone leaving no room for escape.

     “I wanted to take you out of there because when I walked into the lounge, Jackson had Hazel’s pug in front of your face.” Cat looked to her hands. “You were meant to kiss it.”

     Dan absorbed this. He wasn’t surprised at all that Jax had tried to do that to him, and, for what felt like the millionth time, Dan wanted to punch Jax square in the jaw. He shouldn’t have questioned Cat’s intentions in the first place. “Thanks for trying to help me,” he said quietly.

     “I didn’t have a choice. It’s you, and it’s me.” Cat looked at him. “Dan, forgive me too, okay? I reacted so immaturely when the stuff with Phil started, and—”

     “Cat, I’m never going to choose Phil over you,” Dan vowed. “I’m not going to choose _anyone_ over you, ever.” Cat smiled and Dan imagined his hands were drifting over the planet stones. “It’s like an eclipse. The earth’s in front of the sun, and you can’t see the moon in the sky but it’s still there. Eventually the earth moves out of the way and there’s the moon again.”

     “Fascinating. But what’s that to do with us?”

     “It’s like Phil’s the earth and you’re the moon.”

     Cat grinned. “So you’re the sun in this scenario? I always knew you were hot stuff, Dan.”

     Dan pushed at her arm with a laugh. “Unless it’s a solar eclipse. Then you’d be the sun. Hot stuff.” Cat laughed with him and moved closer to rest her head on his shoulder.

     “I’ve missed you,” she said.

     “Me too. It’s been way too weird without you around.”

     “Where do you think the earth’s gone?” Dan whispered. He hated to ruin the quiet.

     Cat poked his chest. “Somewhere with a meteor named Hazel.”

     Dan laughed and ruffled her hair. “Let’s go drink with them, yeah?”

     “You’ve started drinking, Dan? I’ve only been away a short time,” Cat teased him.

     “Shut up,” he said, standing while she laughed happily. Having a hand on Cat’s arm felt so normal and familiar, Dan realised how much he had missed his closest friend.

     They walked around, Cat’s eyes in search for Phil; protectively, her hand came up to hold Dan’s when they went past Jax and Blake.

     “Can you see them?”

     “Nope.” Just then, Cat noticed two figures down beneath the showers building whose roof had the pool.

     “Nowhere?”

     “No. They’re probably making out somewhere.” They weren’t, but with the way Hazel’s big eyes were trained up at Phil, and his smile, back against the wall, Cat knew it had to be only a matter of time.

     Dan couldn’t help his voice from becoming tinted with disappointment. “You think?”

     “They’ve been close lately, you know? I wouldn’t be surprised.”

     “Well, we can drink without them,” Dan decided. “Where can we find some Vodka?”

     Cat shook her head with a small smile as she led Dan to the tent belonging to Caspar Lee. He’d been the one to supply the alcohol at Hazel’s, and was sure to be the one providing it here as well. She ducked her head into the tent and could instantly smell it.

     “Getting drunk alone, Caspar?” she said.

     “Who’s asking?”

     “Got any Vodka?”

     “Plenty. Come on in.” Cat took Leo’s hand and helped him into the tent to sit, and once they had Caspar zipped the tent back shut. “Welcome to my headquarters.” Handing Cat a cup, he looked to Dan. “You drinking too, mate?”

     “Yes. Definitely.”

     Caspar nodded appreciatively. “Cool.” He filled Cat’s cup and then another, of which Cat put into Dan’s grip.

     “Thanks.” Dan hesitated for just a second before going on, “Caspar, have you seen Phil?”

     “Yeah, with Hazel, but that was a while ago now.” He lifted his cup. “Cheers.”


	5. Bliss

     Within an hour, Cat and Dan were stretched out beneath the stars on a blanket, skimming the line of tipsy and drunk.

     “Cat, am I handsome?” Dan queried.

     “Sure you are.” Cat pushed a finger into his hip, making Dan squirm laughing. “The handsomest.”

     “No, no, like, do people find me attractive?”

     “I find you attractive.”

     “You don’t count, Cat.” Cat turned her eyes back to the sky, not even the alcohol able to keep that sting from pressing into her brain. “I mean other people that wouldn’t know me, like on the street or in a shop.”

     “I can’t tell you, Dan. I’ve never really gauged a random passerby’s reaction to seeing your face.” Cat rapped the tips of her fingers against the cup she held atop her stomach. “Ask Hazel.”

     “I can’t. She thinks Phil is handsome and from what you’ve told me I know we look nothing alike.”

     “That doesn’t mean she couldn’t find you attractive too. I don’t think that’s how it works for most people.”

     Dan didn’t know what else to say so he went quiet, then said, “Would you miss me if I left Manchester?”

     Cat rolled onto her side to lean slightly over Dan. She studied his face, the face she’d grown up looking at every single day. “What sort of question is that?” she said. “Is there any other answer than of course, you idiot, I’d miss you like hell?”

     “I’d miss you too,” Dan said, smiling softly. His curls were flat against the blanket, eyes bright. “You think we’d be friends even if I left?”

     “It’s really like you don’t know us at all,” Cat reproached him.

     “I should know better,” Dan agreed. He sat up. “Cat, I have to tell you something.”

     “You look all serious.”

     “Cuz this is kind of a serious thing. There isn’t anyone around?”

     “No one but us. Spill it.”

     Dan stayed silent, thinking. His fingers tugged at the hem of his jumper. “I think I’m in love with Phil.” When Cat didn’t show that she’d heard him, though he was sure she’d have had to, Dan said her name.

     “What do you mean, Dan? ‘In love’? Like…”

     “Like a… a dating thing. Like a boyfriend, ‘in love.’”

     Cat could feel her stomach twisting uncomfortably in her abdomen. “I didn’t even know you were… You’ve never told me you’re gay.”

     “I don’t think I am, honestly. It’s just… Phil. I mean, I’ve never experienced anything like this with anyone before, you know? I could be—Maybe I’m bi.” A beat passed. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

     “I have, haven’t I? I’m just surprised. And my cup is empty; I need another drink.” Cat shoved to her feet and Dan did the same.

     “Cat?” He heard the distinct sound of liquid splashing. She had just dumped her drink into the grass to get away from him. He couldn’t hold it against her though; they’d been friends for years and she more than likely felt a little hurt that he hadn’t told her sooner, even if he himself hadn’t come to figure it out until recently. He wanted to give her room to breathe, but last time he’d thought to do that it had almost ended their friendship. So Dan pulled out his walking stick and walked around fairly aimless in an attempt to find her.

     He heard splashing, and so knew that he had headed toward the pool. He next heard Phil’s voice inviting him into the water, and smiled, but then Hazel spoke and his smile slipped.

     “I’m looking for Cat,” he told them. “Have you seen her?”

     “No, we haven’t,” Hazel said, apologetic. “But you should come in, Dan, really.”

     “Yeah, it’s warmer even than it was last time,” Phil supplied.

     Dan sighed and walked for the water, carefully taking of his jumper and setting it down with his cane. It wasn’t like he had anything else to do. Hazel cheered and Dan almost smiled, despite himself.

***

     “I can’t believe you got sick, Dan,” Laura said. She placed her palm to his cheek, gentle. “Swimming so late at night. And how many times have you told us you’re a responsible adult?”

     “Adults mess up too. And it’s a cold, Mum, not the swine flu.”

     Laura shook her head. “Drink your tea,” she ordered him, placing the mug into his hands.

     “It’s not like this is a big deal. Other parents—”

     “Dan, I don’t care about other parents. You’re my son. It doesn’t matter that you’re blind; any way you’d have come I would still want you to be safe, above all else.”

     “Yeah,” said Dan, not too convincing.  
     Laura rubbed the hair back from his face. “You’ll have children of your own one day and you’ll get what I mean.”

     “Sure, Mum,” Dan said, hiding his face behind a swallow of tea.

     “Seriously, Dan. You’ll meet someone and who knows? Kids could be around the corner from there.”

     “I doubt it.”

     “What?” Laura laughed. “That you’ll meet someone or that you’ll have kids?”

     “Both. I don’t know.”

     “You’re young,” Laura said. She leaned forward on the mattress to kiss his forehead. “There’s no point worrying about that now. Not when everything’s changing, constantly.” Her words brought to Dan’s mind that particular day with his grandma, when he’d mentioned wishing to move out of his house. _So much is going to happen in your life, so much is going to change_ , she had told him. _You’ve got plenty of time._ “One thing is for sure,” Laura said, “you’re going to keep getting colds and flus, but I won’t ever stop trying to prevent them.” Dan smiled a little as Laura held his cheek one more time. “I’ll call you for lunch soon, okay?”

     “Sure. Thanks, Mum.”

     “You are very welcome.” She got up from the bed and exited, leaving the door open just slightly, and not a minute later he heard footsteps into his room.

     “Hi.”

     “Cat?” Dan grinned. “I didn’t think you’d show up here in the middle of school.”

     Cat shrugged, though he couldn’t see it, and sat on the chair next to his desk. “It’s lunch right now. How are you?”

     “I’m okay. You?”

     “Alright.”

     “Yeah, I heard you got sick from swimming on Saturday.”

     “Yeah. Real badass, I am.”

     “Do you think you can go to school tomorrow?” she asked.

     “If my mum lets me. You know how she gets.”

     “Dan, I’m sorry. About blowing off your news.”

     Dan turned his head. “About Phil?”

     “What else? I ignored it and you. It was bitchy.” Dan laughed a little and Cat walked over to sit on the bed beside him. He settled his head into her neck. “You forgive me, right? I guess I just never thought of you like that. But I also never imagined we’d ever fight, so.”

     “You were the one that wanted a big drama, weren’t you?”

     Cat nearly smiled. “No, thanks, I said I wanted adventure and romance. But it turned out you got the romance.”

     “And, in my case, the drama as well.”

     Cat laughed, then, prodding his leg with her foot. “You still like him, right?”

     “It doesn’t matter. He likes Hazel.”

     “Are you sure?”

     “Cat, you said so yourself,” Dan said. “With all you described to me it’s pretty obvious who Phil’s been aching to be with. And it isn’t me.”

     “We never _know_ , though, not really. I mean, just look at you!” Cat held up her hands. “I’ve known you for years and I couldn’t have guessed you’d be into guys as well as girls.” Dan grinned and she could feel the movement of his cheek against her skin. “If it’s any consolation, I think you two would be the cutest couple in Manchester. And I’m sorry I didn’t say that right when you told me.”

     Dan reached for Cat, and she readily took his hand in hers. “You’re a nerd. And I love you.”

     “You’re a bigger nerd,” Cat said fondly. “And now at least I know why you’ve always had a thing for L. You have a type.”

     “Shut the fuck up.”

***

     They walked home together after school two days later, Cat and Phil, and he was quieter than his normal energetic rantings.

     “Talked to Dan?” she asked him.

     Phil kicked a rock with his sneakered foot. “No. He texted me saying he’s sick but that was Sunday night.”

     “You should go see him,” Cat recommended. “He’s home alone every other Wednesday and today’s one of them.”

     Phil let out a bit of air that resembled a laugh, and Cat grinned at him.

***

     Phil rang the doorbell on the gate and waited. The front door opened almost two minutes later and Dan stood there, looking out blankly. “Who is it?” he asked.

     “Phil.”

     Dan stepped down the porch stairs to let him through the gate. “Hey,” he said as he did. He motioned for Phil to follow him inside.

     “I keep forgetting we have a project to finish,” he said when they reached his room.

     “Me too. It’s a bit sad, to be honest, how far we’ve slipped from caring.”

     Dan drummed a beat onto his thighs as he dropped into his chair. “I’m the only one that got sick, right?”

     “Yeah.”

     “Of course.”

     “Though Hazel did say it was bad for her hair, all the chlorine.” The idea made Dan laugh, but then he thought of her and Phil together and stopped.

     “Did you guys get together over the trip?” he asked.

     “No? Why?”

     Dan lifted his skinny shoulders. “You disappeared a lot so everyone just got to talking.”

     “Well, we didn’t.” Phil looked over Dan’s face, then stood from the desk chair and sat instead by the window. “Remember when we left so you could talk to Cat?” Dan nodded. “We killed some time trying to find drinks, and after a while she tried to kiss me.”

     “And?”

     “And I didn’t let her.”

     Dan snorted. “Jesus. What’s wrong with her?”

     “She asked me the same thing,” Phil said, chuckling.

     “What’d you say?”

     “That I’ve got a girlfriend back in London. I had to make it up as I went, so I was telling her all these fake stories about this imaginary girlfriend who I’d just a second before named Janice, of all things…” Dan’s laughter made Phil’s smile widen. Phil would kill for dimples like the ones Dan had. He was quite certain they had to be at the very least 17 feet deep. “…so Hazel began to divulge all the woes of her past ex-boyfriends. The longer we talked, the more we drank… and we ended up in the pool. She’s not as bad as you seem to think, Dan, really. We’re friends, better friends than we were before the camping trip. And, anyway, that’s when you found us, in the water.”

     “You must’ve been completely wrecked at her party that one weekend,” observed Dan.

     Phil raised his eyebrows. “What makes you say that?”  


     Dan laughed. “If you can remember everything from talking and swimming with Hazel even after drinking like hell, you must’ve done even worse at her party to not recall anything aside from Cat in the bathroom. Blacked out like that? Shit.” Phil leaned his elbows against his knees. “But why didn’t you kiss her? You don’t actually have a girlfriend in London, right, Phil?”

     Phil smiled down at his hands. “No.”

     “So what stopped you? Pretty girl… or so I’ve heard.”

     Phil laughed very softly and stood up to lean against the desk chair. “Well, I… I guess I actually like someone else, so kissing her wouldn’t have felt right.”

     “Is it anyone I know?”

     “Yeah.”

     “And does this person like you back?”

     “I’m not sure if they do, in the way I mean.” Arms crossed, Phil tapped against his elbows. “I’ve kissed this person once before, to tell you the truth.” Dan didn’t want to breathe. “But it was so fast and I didn’t ever mention it, and they didn’t either. So I figured I should back off.” Dan couldn’t be sure, he knew that, but if he didn’t stand up right now and try he knew he would regret it.

     He did, and Phil turned to face him. Dan could almost feel him so close, like the air between them were vibrating. “I stole a first kiss,” said Phil, very softly. “It wasn’t fair. I didn’t know how to give it back. How would you?”

     Dan raised his hands and felt around in the air until he found Phil’s neck. He ran his fingers over his face carefully, tracing every line he could. He moved next to find his mouth, and did. Confident he was there and not stepping out of the way, Dan kissed him. He could feel him and his lack of sight made no difference because he could _feel_ Phil, real and right there against him, holding Dan tightly but so gently.

     His fingertips touched Phil’s mouth again, disbelieving. Phil pulled him close in an embrace, and he held onto Phil like a raft in the middle of the ocean. Nose pressed into his neck, he could smell the sage, the apples, all the different things that made Phil himself. He was here, and he wanted Dan. Next time Cat insisted he was a catch, Dan would be wont to believe her.

***

     Dan and Phil delivered their speech on Spartan education before Mr. Hansen’s class. If Dan forgot to say his line, Phil would nudge his arm with a slender hand and remind him of it. The presentation went relatively smoothly, though neither of them were all that concerned that it wouldn’t, and Cat patted Dan’s hand for a job well-done when he came back to his seat.

     They left at the end of the day as they always did, Dan in the middle and Phil to his left so that he could have a solid grip on his arm. Cat rambled on about the newest kid in their class, he was pretty cute, while Dan grinned at Phil and Phil smiled at Dan; even having never seen Phil with his own eyes, Dan was sure he had the best-looking boy right next to him, and Phil most definitely thought the same.

     “I can see you and Phil’ve really kept things strong, lover boy,” Jax hackled them as they went past. “Wedding bells ’round the corner?”

     Dan stopped walking, and, unsure of what he would do, Phil and Cat glanced his way. But a second later, Dan slid his hand down Phil’s arm to instead lace their fingers together, and Phil gave him a squeeze in support. Cat laughed and, ruffling Dan’s hair, called to Jax, “There you have it, douche.” Behind them, they could hear the boys making fun of Jax, and Phil leaned down to kiss Dan’s dimpled cheek as they went on down the pavement.

     Smiling lips close to Dan’s ear, he whispered, “I think tonight’s the night you learn how to ride a bike. Trust me to help you avoid squirrels on the street?”

     “I’m not too worried.” Mischievous, Dan tugged Phil’s hand to make him speed up. “I’ll get used to you soon enough.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, power's been out for a week so I haven't updated and I'm SO sorry about that, but I really hope this is worth the wait. Thanks for all who've read and I love the support! <3


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